Are You There God? It's Me, the Big La, Part 2
The Ranting Continues! Rapping with the Supreme Being, by Todd Kelley

Are you there God? It's me, the Big La!!! First off, thanx for the new job! YOU ARE THE MAN!!! Sorry for comin' at you so soon again. My brain's running overtime on things to talk to you about, and my window of opportunity might close. It's almost Christmas time, and I KNOW it's your busy time of the year. So let's get right into it, shall we?

Our Topic Tonight: Master Of Her Domain?

A couple weeks ago, I was having a bad case of the 'non-sleepies'. So, being the expert couch potato that I am, I grabbed the remote and started to do some serious channel surfing. Now, for most guys, we use the standard bio-optical filters for finding acceptable viewing visuals:

1. "Cute Women"
2. "Fire and/or Explosions"
3. "[Or the very popular] Cute Women causing Fire and/or Explosions."

After my third trip cycling to the 50 channels I had available, I caught the sight of something interesting on (oddly enough) the Discovery Channel. It turned out to be a special report on the abortion issue. They were giving me an un-bias look at both sides of the argument: 'Pro-Choice' and 'Pro-Life', which was very refreshing. Or maybe it was because nothing else was on. I don't know... Wait, I'm getting sidetracked...

Anyways, a couple days later, I was talking to a friend of mine who lives in New York, Stephanie (not her real name! You know the drill...). Somehow, our conversation drifted to abortion and I gave her a quick synopsis of the documentary I saw that night.

Now, first off, before I get into the details, I'm stating for the record that I wasn't trying to cause trouble! I just thought an abortion conversation with Steph would be... interesting. You'll hear why later...

"So, what side of the fence do you stay?" she asked me.

"I don't know." I replied. "Since I don't get pregnant, I don't see it as one of my primary concerns."

"So you think it's a woman's choice, right?" she baited me (like she normally does).

"Yeah, I guess so."

"O.K." she commanded. "That makes you Pro-Choice. You think it's a woman's right to murder her unborn infant."

This is where the conversation took a spooky turn of events. You see, knowing Steph, she's not exactly the 'girl next door' type. More of a free spirit, she tends to take the liberal route on things. But this time it was different. I could tell from her voice, she was a little p***ed [DIVINE CENSORSHIP] off at my answer [read: the answer she had thrown to me.)

Back to the 'convo', after a few seconds for dramatic pause (I tend to do that from time to time), I gave her an uncertain:

"Yeah, I guess so. I'm guessing you don't?"

"No I don't!" she said boldly. "I believe MURDER IS MURDER. It doesn't matter if it's an adult, or an embryo. What you're saying is you condone murder."

And, as you can guess, this is the point of the conversation I became p***ed [DIVINE CENSORSHIP] off.

"No I don't condone murder. That was you're words. What I said is I don't have a clear stance on the subject. But if I did have to take a side, I'd would say I'm Pro-Choice, because I believe in a woman's right to her own body!"

Well, this went on for a while, and from there, conversation kinda took a detour toward religion. Now, keep in mind I didn't say GOD! I said religion.

It was then, that she blurted out something that I'd never thought I hear from her:

"Bottom line: In the eyes of GOD, abortion is murder! And that's good enough for me."

Again, I invoked my famous dramatic pause, because the whole conversation just went up ten points on 'the old interest-o-meter'.

"Steph, aren't you still a lesbian?" I asked her.

"Yeah. What's your point? What's does my interest in women have to do with murdering children?"

At this point, it was time to start pushing some buttons:

"Well, you backed your argument up with viewpoints from mainstream religions. The same religions, I might add, that say lesbianism is a sin. What's the deal?"

"Well religion is not perfect, Todd! But there are some thing's that transcend religion! Homosexuality doesn't hurt people! Murder does! It's as simple as that! If you don't understand that, then you're an idiot!" (translation: "I don't know! I just blurted it out, and I need to save face, so there!!!)

Now from this point on, a lot of profane words were spouted on both sides, so I won't finish the conversation. But you get the 'gist', right? Do you see what my problem is?

Although, Steph's point wasn't technically sound, she pretty much summed up the state of religion today. People tend to mix and match the Do's and Don't's to fit their lifestyles. It's the main reason I can't bring myself to fully embrace religion.

Take a look at Stephanie. She's probably the coolest person to hang out with. She lives by the 'treat people like you'd want to be treated' school of thought, and does everything from charity work, to sponsoring programs, and mentoring children. On the flipside, she's a lesbian, who spends most of her nights in raves, house-parties, or strip clubs with her 'circle of friends'.

So here's a good question, God. What side of the fence does she fall on? Do you grade on a point system, or percentages? Or does one sin condemn her? Does her sexual exploits cancel out the good she does for her fellow man? When she reaches 'Club Heaven' and she's waiting in line to get in, does Peter run her social security number and say:

"Hmm... You've helped a lot of people in your lifetime, Steph. I don't think there will be a problem with... Oh, wait. It says here that you sleep with women. Sorry, you gots ta go..."

You wanna know what I think? Well, of course you do!

I don't think you're like that. I don't think you put us down here to be walking, smiling, automated, choir-singing robots. What would the point of 'freewill' be? What would the point of 'individuality' be? And to hear people passing judgment on others (in your name) because they are different doesn't feel right.

Maybe abortion is wrong.

Maybe homosexuality is wrong.

Maybe racism, sexism, and the 'ism' dealing with the handicapped is wrong.

But I think that's a job for GOD to decide, not his flock.

Tell me if I'm wrong, but you have a method for dealing with 'wrongdoers' in the scheme of things. You don't need us to handle it for you. Our only obligation to the human race is to love, honor, and respect our fellow Man. Sure we have laws, and living willingly in a society, we need to respect those laws. But torching abortion clinics, and 'gay' and 'race' bashing in the name of God is evil in itself.

Here's where I stand:

1. TAKING A LIFE: Bad, unless in self-defense.
2. ABORTION: It's a woman's choice, but I don't think I could bring myself to do it, if it was me.
3. HOMOSEXUALITY: It's not my thing, so it's none of my business.
4. LESBIANISM: Requires further investigation of the available material to form an unbiased opinion.

If someone asks me, I'll tell them my views on certain topics. If their views differ, I'll accept that we have opposing thoughts and leave it at that. Now, what type of world would it be, if everyone did the same? I think it would be the world you envisioned for us, right?

Well, that's it for me. I hope you made sense of my rambling.

P.S.

You need to do something about these floods, man. Wait... do I need to be building an Ark or something?